appreciation

ive been here for 2 months and already i see a change in my character and what i left behind at home.

character-
life isnt only about having a good time or making people happy its about being a funtioning human being in soceity and having fun, equal balance. in my life i have always been the party-goer the one always looking for the next laugh. ive come to realize that as i get older more and more is expected from me and i know that life is short and that i must take advantage. i must also know that in order to have fun i have to be responsible. my job here on kibbutz has taught me that first and foremost. i have learned that i am only 20 and even though i pride myself in knowing a lot, in actuality i dont. but im more than willing to learn.

when i was 18 my parents decided that as my graduation present they would send me to live in spain for 2 months. as a recent high school graduate i should have taken that opportunity to meet new people from all over the world and broaden my horizons but instead i was too overwhelmed by not having my parents (who were so genorous) watch over me and my every move. therefore, i went out and partied like no other and spent my allowance carelessly, i didnt do well in the study abraod program in a country where i speak the language.

now that im in a country that i do not speak the language and older not more mature but older i feel as though i owe it to myself to be someone that im so desperate to be. i want to be worldly and cultured and meet all kinds of people. i want to fall in love with myself the way i know i can and on my own terms.

my parents are great and no im not just sucking up to them because they read this but because of the people i have met so far on this trip ive come to realize that i never had it bad. ive never had to beg or steal for survival. yes my mom and i have had our differences but who doesnt fight with their parents. my mom always looked out for me first and even though i was angry at her for a long time for leaving my dad i always knew becasue she reminded me constantly that it was for my benefit and a chance at a better life. my dad (papi) and i were always friends we talked about life and coming of age when i didnt know what to expect he was there. i dont know a lot of kids that had such a great relationship with their step parents but i got lucky. my parents put up with a lot especially with me and all my mistakes and how difficult it was for me to simply say no to the people clostest to me. my father and i only in the past six or seven years rebuilt our relationship becasue i was too immature to over come his absence which in essence was my fault for not letting him in. i love him dearly as my father and as my friend. im a big softy thanks to him and so passive thanks to him and becasue of him i am alive and will always thank him for that.

my life has drastically changed for the better and i continue to be playful because its who i am but i know theres much more to life than fun and games.
like abuelo always used to say, "be kind, be sweet, dont cost no money."
i guess living in israel with no money you reall take into account that being kind and being sweet will get you far.

until next time
-me